My friend, whom I shall refer to as L, and I have this real thing for fashion. And celebs. And celeb smut. We totally acknowledge that it's base and irrelevant to real life, but we don't care. It's fun.
So, here's our Oscar text chat... Starting toward the end of the red carpet pre-show and lasting throughout the entire (lonnnnng) ceremony:
L: I LOVE Amy Adams' necklace!
Savvy: Hm... It's quite ornate. I was thinking that I MUST have Angelina's earrings.
L: I AGREE!
S: What in the name of tacky hell was Miley Cyrus wearing?!
L: Lol, I love you.
L: Holy fish scales, Miley...
S: Sick. That was her first choice? Bitch needs to quit shopping at the Nashville Outlet Mall for her gowns.
L: I think I need to own a crystal curtain!
S: Yesssss! And I need to own Robert Downey Jr.! Hotness!
L: Only if I have Hugh Jackman.
S: DEAL. That's like the hottest double date ever.
L: If you're getting Angie's earrings, you're going to need the ring, too.
S: Damn right I do.
L: Apparently potato sacks are big with previous Best Supporting Actresses.
S: Haha- Whoopi looks like an Cheetah-print area rug. Goldi's got her girls out!
L: And what is with Whoopi's tattoo?
S: I think I just saw Goldi's nipple.
L: Always! Her girls are more popping out of the side of her dress than the top...
S: Ha, get a strapless that doesn't smash- I think you can afford one, G.
L: Good thing Kate doesn't have any, so there's no need to worry about following her mom's lead.
S: Word, ha.
S: That dude just sang, "Mr. Roboto"!!!
L: Ben Stiller... Wtf?
S: He's making fun of Joaquin Phoenix!
L: I love it! Btw did you see Joaquin on Letterman? Sick!
S: Yes, and I heard that he's pretending to be all dirty and drugged out for a documentary he's shooting with Casey Affleck.
L: I heard that, too.
S: Jessica Biel's dress looks like a dinner napkin.
L: Did her left book grow abnormally large, or what?!
S: Ha! And she's trying to be witty and relevant, and all the REAL movie stars are like, "Who are you, 7th Heaven?"
S: Pene Cruz just looked scared for her life at the end of the musical number. And SIT DOWN, Vanessa Hudgens!
L: Beyonce looked good.
S: Yes, she's Sacha Fierce! And she's the only female on that stage than can actually sing.
L: This is very true.
L: Wonder who will win this one...
S: Sacha Fierce!
L: Matilda is supposed to be accepting if Heath wins. :(
S: Aw, I hope Heath wins. I love RDJ, but Heath soooo deserves it.
S: HEATH!
L: Damn, they cut Matilda.
S: Sweet speech by the fam, though.
L: Next award... I don't know any of these movies.
S: Me either.
L: Cartoon, what?
S: That guy speaks really fast. He's milking his 45 seconds.
S: This bitch has a crazy lazy eye. Or is she drunk?
L: Or both?
S: Did you see Jennifer Aniston's dress? Loved. She was working it for the Brange.
L: It was gorgeous. And John shaved his face- cleaned up well.
S: Yes! He did good. Had to- Jen would sooo kick his ass if he didn't bring it!
S: Will's hair is very shiny. Glitter? And he just called Brad Pitt and garden gnome.
L: Action movie, really? Buttons?
S: Did that guy just sniffle before starting his speech? Yeah, and I didn't know Benji Buttons was an action movie. Iron Man (and my bf, RDJ) got robbed!
L: Good work, Will. Talk much?
S: Haha, he's trying not to blurt out, "I'm a Scientologist!"
L: This guy is unprepared. SPEAK! You're losing your 45 seconds.
S: Clock is ticking, homie!
S: Will has been hosting for the last half hour. Sheesh.
L: He's taking over for Hugh- who is at my house. Sorry.
S: Share him! I want another musical number- maybe he'll take his shirt off!
L: Oooh, I'll send him back for that...
S: I'm still having flashbacks to Miley's dress. I think I have PTSD. Thank God they sat her in the back row so I don't have to see it (or her big teeth) anymore.
L: Where she belongs. And she definitely hasn't resurfaced.
S: Okay, Jerry Lewis- great guy, but I'm bored. Did you SEE Lisa Rinna? Oh my God- her hair look like Ursula's from The Little Mermaid! And those lips...
L: You know her hubby is one happy man with those DSLs.
S: Hahahahahaha. They look like hemorrhoids.
S: The music is making me sleepy. Where's my Snuggie?
L: On backorder from the factory... Will be here soon.
S: What is up with Alicia Keys' hair? It looks like a wig...
L: I'm bored. Still.
S: Me too. But now I'm distracted by that Bollywood dancer with the tramp stamp.
L: It's very authentic.
S: Do you think the singers in the yellow tunics got their navy leggings from American Apparel?
L: Probably! They look like AA.
S: Frieda is soooo gorgeous.
L: I agree and I LOVE that dress!
S: This was one of the first times this season that she didn't look like she was going to her sophomore prom.
S: Was Heath in that memoriam montage?
L: NO! Wtf? That is wrong!
S: Maybe they're doing something special for him, since he's a nominee/winner...?
L: Or was his family's speech it?
S: I haven't a clue. And I don't know how I feel about Reese's dress.
L: I'm not sure, either.
S: It's Rodarte, I think. And I love Rodarte. Usually.
L: I think I would like it in different colors.
S: Maybe in all black. Or black and gray.
L: I don't like the black and blue together. I think it would be better with more contrasting colors.
S: Like blue and red? Rock Chalk Oscar dress! :)
L: Now THAT I really like!
S: The boyfriend and I really need that swarovski curtain for our housewarming party.
S: HALLE!
S: And Nicole looks surprisingly unfrozen.
L: HOLY SHIT! What happened to her?
S: How drunk is Sophia Loren right now? And she's posing like she's on Top Model.
L: Fierce.
S: Okay, Kate Winslet always makes me cry. And that part with her dad was so cute.
L: He is adorable! I want a dad like him!
S: Let's go Brad!
L: I'm liking Sean Penn.
S: Yeah, SP will probably win. Or Mickey.
S: Nice call, L.
L: :)
S: And did you catch Jen's smug smile when Sean was announced? "Yeah, take that..."
L: She's sitting far away. Or at least that what it looks like.
S: Not front row.
L: Like Brad and Angie.
S: Smirk.
L: Over. I'm done.
S: Time for bed.
*
;)
savvy
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1 comment:
LMAO ! !
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